Remember that song by Mya called "Case of the Ex"? It started out like this, "It's after midnight and she's on your phone..saying come over cuz she's all alone..I could tell it was your ex by her tone...now why is she calling you after so long?"
Hum..good question, and one that begs discussion.
How much contact is TOO much contact with an ex?
These days, an "ex" has many different meanings. It no longer just applies to an ex husband or boyfriend, but it can also mean someone you used to sleep with, someone you used to "kick it" with, or someone that you just entertained the possibility of a relationship with for a minute and then decided against it. Whatever the case may be, there is usually a reason that this person has been demoted to "ex" status and is no longer the focal point of your life, right? So why the continued contact, phone calls, and meet ups?
From my vantage point, I believe there are a few reasons why people engage in "ex-relationships". The first, and most obvious one is to continue the sex without the responsibility. Let's face it, here's a person that you know well and probably enjoyed intimacy with, so what's better than having all the fun without the work? The second is what I hear most from men, "I just like her as a friend now" and I guess this means she either put him in the friends zone and has refused to give him some so he's taking what he can get in hopes that she will eventually change her mind in a weak moment, or...he's gay.
Sorry...I can't think of any other reason that a man remains friends with a woman he's physically attracted to and I BEG the men out there to prove me wrong on this one. I'm curious as hell.
What these "ex-relationshipers" fail to see, however, is that once they have entered into another possible relationship with someone else, the whole connection to the ex will undoubtedly cause a problem, even with the most secure of folk. I don't know the person who wants to hear about his or her boyfriend hanging out at his ex-girl/boyfriend's house whom he/she used to have sex with because they are still "such cool friends".
SERIOUSLY???
Okay...maybe it's just me. Help a sista out. Inquiring minds wanna know!
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If a new potential partner can't handle you having a healthy friendship with a past partner, then his or her jealousy and insecurity is sure to undermine the relationship later on.
ReplyDeleteFriends shouldn't be discarded, like used kleenex, just because we had some intimate contact with them in the past. If your current partner isn't confident that you won't leave them or cheat, simply because some level of attraction still exists between you and someone else, then your relationship with that partner is neither strong nor healthy.