Well, the day that I have both wistfully dreamed of and dreaded has finally come. Both of my children have graduated high school and are about to embark on lives of their own. My son has just completed his freshman year in college and will be moving out to his own apartment with friends, and my daughter will begin her freshman year in August and will be living in the dorms. Now I know most adults when they get to this point in their lives can hardly wait to turn the kids rooms into an exercise space or begin taking trips with their husbands, but for me it's a bit different. It has always been the three of us for the majority of their lives and it's a bit difficult to think of the two of them not being within an arms reach everyday. And while both of them are waiting with baited breath to just get the heck out of mom's house, I'm a little melancholy about it all.
On the other hand....whenever I tell one of my friends or family members about how I feel, I am met with comments like, "Are you KIDDING me, Jeanette??? This is YOUR time girl!!" or "Now you have time to do whatever you want to do for YOU! You better enjoy it!" I have to admit, a part of me is very excited at the thought of not having to rush to pick up children from various events and having the freedom to attend after work functions if I so choose. It will also be relaxing not to worry about cooking dinner every night or being able to just come home and sit down and do absolutely NOTHING if I don't feel like it. I can write anytime I like and if I'm lucky enough to meet a great guy, we'll be free to come and go as we please. It's like having my 20's all over again (although doing my 20's at 41 will be something to see since the energy I had then is A LOT different that the energy I have now!!). When I think of it like that, I get excited, but somehow the thoughts of an empty house always creep back into my thoughts....
I remember when Rashaad and Maariyah were little and they were always underfoot. I couldn't walk two steps without one of them grabbing my pant leg or holding their arms up to be picked up. I carried them on my hip through toddler-hood and I will carry them in my heart for eternity. I know that I have to loosen the cord and pray that everything I've taught them has stuck and that they will go on into the world and become happy, successful and responsible adults who will be able to take care of themselves and one day their own families. And while they have their journey, their mother is beginning one of her own...the journey to rediscovering who I am as a person and picking back up all those deferred dreams of the past 20 years and putting them into action.
This is going to be quite a ride!!!!! :)
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