Is S & M a Relationship Requirement?

Sometimes it hurts loving someone, particularly if the feelings aren't mutual. And even when both people are feeling each other, some relationships just aren't healthy. There are those riddled with emotional or physical abuse, lack of respect, or those based only on physical pleasure when one party secretly wants a deeper commitment, but is afraid to speak up out of fear of losing the object of their desire.

And then...there are those that I like to call "The Mr. Big Syndrome"

And by "Big", I don't mean his physical endowments!

Everyone who knows me, knows I'm probably the biggest fan of Sex and the City of all time, and on this show, one of the characters named Carrie has had a 10 year love affair with a man named John whom she refers to as "Mr. Big". In her mind, Mr. Big is everything she's ever drempt of in a man: handsome, successful, wordly, a real "man's man". And he's very into her too...only problem is, he's not exactly the type that embraces commitment and as a result of her unwillingness to move on to a man who may be ready to receive her, she stuck it out and was hurt over and over and OVER again.

But really, you can't blame Mr Big for Carrie being hurt. Any woman or man who continues to wait around for someone who's clearly not interested, or who shows interest but doesn't want to go to the next level, can't blame their love interest either.

If we continuously go back to situations that cause us pain from lack of fulfillment, aren't we indeed participating in a form of S & M?

I mean, there's no physical bondage, but clearly, the mental bondage is there, holding us in space and time and disabling our common sense to see situations for what they really are. My father has always said, "People will always show you exactly who they are. You just have to pay attention." And as I get older, I've found this to be true on every occasion.

But do you think that hasn't gotten me caught up in some S & M sessions of my own? Please...y'all know me!

For some people, though, pain is pleasurable...some people seem to SEEK OUT situations that aren't emotionally fulfilling and stay there dwelling on it, telling anyone who will listen how their significant other treats them so poorly, crying on the phone when the pain of the whips and chains gets too much to bear, but yet and still, they stay...day after day.

This makes me think...do most people think love isn't love...without a little S & M in the mix?