Games People Play

Ahh...the game of life. Somehow when I played the board game version of Life, it was all much easier. There was that little pink car that came with the pegs for your husband and kids, and the bridge that led to financial security, trips, wise investments, and in the end, you got to retire in style as a millionaire..

Sounds cool, eh?

But what Parker Brothers forgot to include in this fantasy entertainment fiasco were the spaces that said "get divorced and scramble to restructure all of your finances" or "get laid off in the middle of a recession and fight to save your home from foreclosure"....you know, the REALITY spaces! I guess that's why Parker Brothers also created games like "Sorry" and "Trouble" just to make sure we didn't get caught up in a complete fairytale existence.

But the problem with games is that they didn't stay behind in our childhood. In fact, not only did they join us in adulthood, but they took on a different shape and morphed into something even more sinister than pretend dreamworld fantasies. They turned into...

THE DATING PLAYBOOK!!!

The whole process of getting to know someone is called "being in the game". After you have narrowed it down to just one person you want to be with, you have to know how to "play the game". And when you're in a relationship, in order to stay in it, you have to (yes, you guessed it) "be on TOP of your game". And just when you think you've had enough of the games, someone will come along and say with a smirk, "Hey, don't hate the playa...hate the GAME, baby!"

Okay...stop right there.

How in the heck can I hate the game when I'm constantly forced to PLAY it? How can I NOT play the game if I'm expected to live, date, and try to be a sociable adult? What's the whole point of growing up, getting an education, working a job, and doing other responsible adult things, if it all basically boils down to just "playing games?" When do the games stop and REAL life begins?

Or...is real life and dating just about a bunch of games anyway?

Is S & M a Relationship Requirement?

Sometimes it hurts loving someone, particularly if the feelings aren't mutual. And even when both people are feeling each other, some relationships just aren't healthy. There are those riddled with emotional or physical abuse, lack of respect, or those based only on physical pleasure when one party secretly wants a deeper commitment, but is afraid to speak up out of fear of losing the object of their desire.

And then...there are those that I like to call "The Mr. Big Syndrome"

And by "Big", I don't mean his physical endowments!

Everyone who knows me, knows I'm probably the biggest fan of Sex and the City of all time, and on this show, one of the characters named Carrie has had a 10 year love affair with a man named John whom she refers to as "Mr. Big". In her mind, Mr. Big is everything she's ever drempt of in a man: handsome, successful, wordly, a real "man's man". And he's very into her too...only problem is, he's not exactly the type that embraces commitment and as a result of her unwillingness to move on to a man who may be ready to receive her, she stuck it out and was hurt over and over and OVER again.

But really, you can't blame Mr Big for Carrie being hurt. Any woman or man who continues to wait around for someone who's clearly not interested, or who shows interest but doesn't want to go to the next level, can't blame their love interest either.

If we continuously go back to situations that cause us pain from lack of fulfillment, aren't we indeed participating in a form of S & M?

I mean, there's no physical bondage, but clearly, the mental bondage is there, holding us in space and time and disabling our common sense to see situations for what they really are. My father has always said, "People will always show you exactly who they are. You just have to pay attention." And as I get older, I've found this to be true on every occasion.

But do you think that hasn't gotten me caught up in some S & M sessions of my own? Please...y'all know me!

For some people, though, pain is pleasurable...some people seem to SEEK OUT situations that aren't emotionally fulfilling and stay there dwelling on it, telling anyone who will listen how their significant other treats them so poorly, crying on the phone when the pain of the whips and chains gets too much to bear, but yet and still, they stay...day after day.

This makes me think...do most people think love isn't love...without a little S & M in the mix?

Am I Better Off Just Being A Bitch???

Okay...I'm not sure if it's that my 40th birthday is looming around the corner or what, but lately I've been grossly obsessed with my single status.

Yes folks, I have become one of those women that I used to shake my head at...wistfully watching wedding shows, smiling at happy couples in the street...crying at that AT&T commercial when the guy is sending his girl pictures on his Iphone and then the last picture is of her and she realizes he's come back home from his trip (see..the fact that I even KNOW that commercial should tell you the state that I'm in.)

I'm a very honest person and I've never had any problems openly confronting my flaws and yes, I am admitting that I am currently one of those women who is pre-occupied with find a mate.

I know this is the worse state to be in because I've counseled enough of my friends on how unattractive a desperate woman looks and how a guy can smell a woman seeking commitment a gazillion miles away...and to my credit, I don't think I've quite gotten there yet, but I'm on the verge and I realize something has to be done about it.

But a part of my problem with this is that while I observe all of the happily attached women who are either in my life or I know of them, one thing seems to remain a constant with all of them:

THEY HAVE BITCHY PERSONALITIES, BUT THEY ALL HAVE MEN WHO RUN UP BEHIND HIM EVERY SECOND OF THE DAY!!!!

I want to know what is this all about????????

I have always prided myself as being a nice, sweet, thoughtful woman who would never take a man for his money, use him, take advantage of him to get things I wanted, etc, etc. I've always lived by the "treat people the way you want to be treated" rule and while I've had some nice relationship, they are all obviously relationships in the PAST because I'm still single!!

So what am I doing wrong?

I guess that's a better question for guys I've previously dated, but when I see women who openly critize, mistreat, use, and neglect their men, but not only stay married year after year, but are also well loved and taken care of, I have to wonder.....

Am I better off being a BITCH to get and keep a man?

I mean, the statistics are highly in favor of bitchy women, from my little broke down survey I made up to measure my married friends versus my single ones:

For instance:

My friends who are outspoken, demanding, materialistic and egocentric, all have devoted husbands who would stop the world for them. They never have to worry about anything because their husbands take care of everything...and I mean EVERYTHING!

Now my other friends who are more on the sweet and demure side may have a guy here and there, but none have been in lasting committed relationships that are leading to marriage.

Now of course this is in VERY general terms and I know this is not the rule, but when I stopped to look at the people in my life or people who are friends of friends, this rule has reigned supreme.

Do men prefer women who are bitchy? Are they just down right bored with "nice girls"? Do they prefer someone to challenge their manhood at every turn and make them work hard to provide for them?

And by this, I don't mean does a man need a woman to stimulate him intellectually, I mean, do men secretly love women who are mean and rude to them, treat them like a butler at the mall as they trail behind their wives carrying packages that THEY paid for, and then make them wait around patiently for sex when SHE'S ready to give it up???

Is it better to be bitchy because nice girls really DO finish last????

The Single Chick is here, baby!!!

Hello everybody!!!

If you are reading this, let me welcome you to my crazy, fantastic, interesting, exciting, and often times neurotic and comical life!!  Allow me to introduce myself:  I am a mother/manager/aspiring writer/hopeless romantic/dreamer/creator/did I already say writer?/eternal optimist/practical joker/etc., etc., etc.  Basically I have entirely too many thoughts going on at any given time so I needed to find some place where I could get them all out AND get comments about them!  I was born to blog (even though when I was born there weren't even COMPUTERS yet!  Yes...I'm that old...don't judge me!) because writing has been my passion literally since the 1st grade.  I wrote my first paper and my then teacher (Ms. Nicolosi) read my paper and said:

"Who helped you write this?"  as she eyed me rather suspiciously, I might add.  And I answered in my innocent 7-year-old voice:

"I did.  All by myself."  And after she read more of my writing (and was satisfied I wasn't scamming it from somewhere) I became her "favorite little author" and was asked to write all kinds of things for the class.  My favorite part was when my writing was read for the class and I got to see the reasons to my thoughts.  Hence my desire to blog because this is like my 1st grade equivalent to sharing my thoughts all over again!  :)

Now you might be asking yourself, why would I even want to follow this blog?  Who is this chick anyway?  And how do I know she can hold my interest?  Well...unfortunately, since I'm not Cleo and can't see into the future (well...actually, neither could Cleo because wasn't she just faking being Jamaican and isn't she locked up now or something?), I can't tell you for sure that you will be interested in my posts.  But I will say if you are living your life on a budget (or let's face it...from check to check!), if you've ever been in love and been hurt like hell, if you've ever wondered why in the heck you are always the ONLY single woman in the room, if you wish you could shop with abandon but that damn light bill just won't go away, if you've ever wondered why when intelligent women get together the topic ALWAYS eventually turns to men and weight, and if you are in a career but dream of living a totally different life that you WISH you pursued right out of college, then I may have some thoughts for you that will not only tickle you, but also enlightend and inspire (well...maybe not the inspire part, but I thought that would be a good thing to say...)

So if you're up for being entertained with wit, and unapologetic humor and candor, sit back, relax, and enjoy the journey of The Single Chick!